I don’t want to take morphine

I injured my knee by stupidly taking out my armour due to it being very hot 27 degrees on my bike training day.  I had a fantastic lesson and was feeling very confident for my test which I had booked in about 10 days time.  I was on my last practise run and came off the big motorbike bashing the inside of my left knee on the bike.  My leg swelled and I rested it, my leg went black but I thought it would heal.

I went to work in London and walked a short distance to my hotel as the weather was beautiful.  Half way back my leg was very painful and I could barely walk.  I checked into the hotel and struggled up to my room.  I sat on the bed and my leg swelled, the knee looked like it had a bone sticking out on the inside.  6 hours in A&E in London is hell,iv Morphine and gas to get an X-ray, no break but a ligament injury.  I was released at 2.30am on crutches wearing a leg brace for the next month.

Anyway the point of this story is that I’ve had to stop exercising and the use of the crutches has resulted in my fibro returning back to the levels it was at about 15 months ago!

Tramadol and Oramorph are not touching the knee pain so the doctor has put me onto Morphine tablets, they have helped but I’m still in tramadol withdrawal which is horrendous.

I am not staying on Morphine and the last few months of my increasing painkiller consumption has made me realise they are no good long term.  I don’t just have fibromyalgia and the my meds are to reduce the pain I have from a number of conditions, I only developed fibro due to the back surgery I had.  I have degenerative disc disease, spondylolisthesis, endometriosis and pelvic congestion.  The pain I get from these conditions are made worse through having fibro.  Where do I go from here back onto Fentanyl patches?  No bloody way!!

First thing I’m going to do is speak to the doctor and ask them for medical help to get off these meds.  I’m going to revert back to the strategy I started last year; mindfulness yoga, meditation and very very slowly build lung up my exercise to interval training again plus I need to overhaul my diet.  Anyone with fibro knows how painful it is restarting exercising as the muscle aches are intense, nothing like anyone can imagine, it’s like having the flu but ten times worse!

Food is a very underestimated medicine.  Eat shit and feel shit!!  Fibro makes us very sensitive to food ingredients and if you read what you eat, some of the contents and unrecognisable.

Once I feel well enough to start exercising again I’ll post up what I’m doing and let you know how I get on with coming off meds again!!

Fatigue and muscle weakness and pain getting worse

Sometimes it takes a while to realise that things are getting worse with your health.   I’ve been attending Download Festival now for 9 years and I noticed last year I was more tired and achy but this year was dreadful.  I only managed to walk into the arena once each day and I had to spend the rest of the time sat in the van.  I missed all the headliners.  The Disability camping was moved further away to a better site but it was a 50 minute round trip to the entrance on a hill.  I could not walk that far so when I went back to the camper I was done in.  Now I’ve always been able to walk around the festival but this year it was different.  I have took the decision next year not to go and I am going to start working on my fitness levels.  

I read an article about a woman that started doing intense interval training and it was by no means easy but she managed to reduce her fibro symptoms so much that she doesn’t feel that she has it anymore. I do believe this is possible and I can only imagine how ill she felt and how much blood, sweat and tears she shed.  Now obviously this is not an easy task but if one person can do it then it is possible and not impossible.  I used to do high intensity interval training even when my back was degenerating and it was only when I stopped training that my fibromyalgia symptoms started to come out.  I even trained after my fusion and it’s only when I started to hurt I slowed down training that I started to get more ill.  The less you move the worse it gets. 

Our bodies are not made to be immobile we were naturally born hunters always moving around, but as time goes on our lifestyles make us more unhealthy.  We have tv to watch, cars to move around, processed and fast food.  Drugs we can take to mask over health problems.

I am a real believer that food and exercise being the only medicines I need.  All medications have side effects and are not good for the mind or body.  I tried to come off anti depresssnts last year and use s more natural alternative and I became so ill after 3 months I went back into them.

Painkillers are not good for the body either and you get used to them so end up either on maximum dosage or on something stronger.

I have never suffered from such debilitating fatigue or muscle aches and weakness until this year and it’s getting worse.  Some days I can barely walk at all and I’m constantly having to rest after everything I do.  I have to plan all my activities to the finest detail so not to overload my nervous system.  I cannot stand loud music or bright lights and have to wear earplugs a lot, which is fine I have no problems with that.  I get sunburnt easier and my skin swells up so I bought some natural sun cream.  My scalp started to itch and I bought some special shampoo which reduced the itching.

The fatigue and muscle weakness is extreme.  I find myself doing less and less and from what I have noticed the fatigue, weakness and pain is getting worse.  It is a battle of the mind as our mind tells us to do less as we hurt, but it is the wrong decision.

The less you do the weaker the muscles get, but it is much more painful to exercise as muscle pain can be very extreme with fibromyalgia.  When I used to regularly work out I used to hurt from the gym but I liked it as I knew I was getting stronger.  But with fibro the pain is sometimes so bad after working out that it can make me cry and my whole body throbs and every attempt to move is excruciating.  In order to get stronger I have to keep pushing so the pain from working out will last weeks or even months.  You have to start slow, I have managed to do 3 ten minute workouts on the power plate this week.  Next week I am going to build up to 4.  I am also trying to walk every day and I have stopped using the lift at work and take the stairs.
Next year I am not doing the Download festival and I am hoping to get back into interval training.  I want to test out the theory of regular exercise reducing fibromyalgia.  Exercise can help reduce anxiety, depression, increase mental alertness, reduce insomnia, reduce muscle weakness and aches and pains.  Over time it can also help with fatigue.  In the short term it will get worse but what have I got to lose, I hurt anyway whether I move or not.  I have felt a dramatic worsening of physical symptoms from doing less exercise so my moving less to ease the symptoms have made it worse.  The only way to change what we have is to do something different so that it what I am going to do.  Here is some good tips of exercising with fibro here 

Patience with our ‘wild minds’

I have been reading chapter 4 of my Mindfulness for Health book by Vidyamala Burch (read the reviews here)  about how our mind wanders whilst we try to meditate and why it does the same when we are in pain.  If we try to force the mind to be still it will kick and resist and we get exhausted by the struggle, if however we let it roam and follow it with our awareness, it will settle down of it’s own accord.  Our minds struggle as we oppose it, if we are patient and focus our awareness in the minds struggle, then it will become calm.  We can then refocus on the breath or body and the mind starts to get curious about the object of you refutation.  It will become gently calm, yet alert and vibrant.


The other reason why our minds refuse to settle, especially if our bodies are in pain or highly stressed while we meditate.  It is natural for the mind to avoid unpleasant sensations in the body.  It will want to distract especially after chronic pain sufferers are told ‘keep yourself busy, and distract yourselves’ only to stop and be in agony!!  We try to avert the pain.  Pay attention to your thoughts, see how it bounces around and drags up past troubling memories and then exploits them in the future, creating stress and anxiety.  Just notice them and give these thoughts and feelings names, but not judging them and then coax your mind back to the breath or your body and continue meditating. 


Think of your thoughts as passing clouds in a beautiful blue sky.  You notice them and let them go and the blue sky is always there. 

Trial patient for Fibromyalgia 

After the initial bad couple of years with trying different medications with this condition and feeling disgusted with just constantly being fed more pills.  I wanted to try to put this ‘situation’ to some good use.

There is not a cure for #fibromyalgia and as the nervous system and mind are so complex and every single person is different I doubt there we will be.  But what if a combination of holistic and medical treatments were available to improve our symptoms and more importantly quieten down the root cause; our ‘short circuiting’ nervous system and brain?

I spent an afternoon searching on the internet for clinical trials in the UK and came across this site here, you can search the medical condition and even an area of the UK and see what is available, sign up, contact people for more information or even just ask to be kept informed.  Brilliant I thought!!  Let’s get involved, I’m game. 

I was turned down for one as I had took Tramadol in the last 6 months and one had no funding to pay for my travel, but I was accepted for another.

I am just waiting for a date to travel over for the one day trial and they have offered to pay for me to travel and my time plus I can spend some time with a Fibro specialist to talk about anything I want.  Fantastic…..

I will keep you all posted, but why don’t you take a look at the site and see what you think? 

Fibromyalgia and supplements

It took a long time for me to get diagnosed with Fibro, over 2 years after my operation.  That’s pretty fast according to research as the average is usually around 5.  Not surprising really as Fibromyalgia is a nervous system disorder and reliable positive tests for this condition has literally only just been tested…….  But even though there are a set of symptoms that we all feel; tender points, more pain in weak spots, extreme insomnia, skin tingling and burning and increased sensitivity to pain and psychological stresses plus exhaustion, there are also things that some get and others don’t, I don’t get IBS, but I eat an 80% natural diet?  Does that make a difference?  I think so? I’ve had migraines so severe I’ve ended up in A&E!  Why I stupidly drank 3 cans of coke at a party (something I never drink) others don’t.  I also get either overheated when it’s warm and get raynaud’s syndrome, others don’t etc etc.

There is one thing I have read over and over, we seem to have certain vitamin deficiencies; I was diagnosed with low vitamin D and an underactive thyroid and I put on 14 pounds (I don’t use KG 😂) in a year.  I started using D3 with calcium at a high dosage and a thyroid supplement:-


Within 6 weeks both levels were back to normal, I also started exercising by walking more and ate a high protein diet and I lost the weight in 3 months.  I also take vitamin E, CQ10, B1 and Cumin or Turmeric.

But there are many vitamins that we would benefit from taking, don’t underestimate the power of vitamins just because they are prescribed.  Read more here.  Most vitamins are more powerful than medication and have either no or minimal side effects but you just check with your doctor if taking medication.

I took the decision to ditch all regular meds as I was sick of the side effects plus no painkiller worked and I was now on Oramorph!!  You get used to painkillers and they stop working, they did me anyway.

I signed up for these:-


For those of you that have done you own research the content of these two supplements are the best I have ever seen!  I already take 6 of these vitamins at a high expense.  You can read here for more info. Read what each supplement does.   Now I’m not stupid I don’t look at this through rose coloured spectacles and think it’s a cure, there is no cure,  but I know a damn good supplement when I see one.  I have to come off 2 anti-depressants though as the sleep aid has 5-htp in it (serotonin) but hey I’m game, sign me up.  

I’ve researched this stuff to death and no one  has reported bad side effects apart from the usual ‘it doesn’t work’ but you have to give these things time and slowly increase up to the optimum dosage, if it says 2 X twice a day take 1 a day then 1 X 2 times a day and so on. Plus you have to give it at least 6 months to notice a difference. 

I have to order it from the USA but I don’t care and it may cost me £65 a month for both supplements together but you can’t put a price on good health!

What have I got to lose?  What with mindfulness, healthy eating and drinking, supplementation, exercise and no regular medication I know deep in my heart I will do this.  Plus I’ve took a less stressful path in my career into a role I did 20 years ago, stuff it, I put my health before my career.

I have to, there are other people out there living life to the full with this condition that lost everything including careers, husbands and homes and after years of struggle by making changes to their lifestyles they have done it.  So why can’t I?

Wish me luck and I hope you give me support through the good and the bad times.

Mindfulness book loaned by the NHS

The book is called Mindfulness for Health and is available through Amazon here
It has been loaned to me for the next few weeks whilst I complete the mindfulness course through the NHS.  All you need to do is ask your doctor for a referral and fingers crossed this will be available in your area, for free!

I was reading the first chapter and knew this to be true which is why I signed up to the course. Many research papers have been written about the ancient art of mindfulness and the proven reduction in the intensity of pain messages in the brain.  I know the medical community have shown imaging studies and the changes in brain pain patterns over time with the utilisation of mindfulness meditation.  For some pain disappears for others the pain reduces yo a manageable level.  Do manageable that we never notice it, well it certainly doesn’t stop us from enjoying our lives!

I know some of you may think this is crazy but if we think about it logically, what controls pain? The mind, signals through the nervous system and the mind, relaying messages back and forth.  So if we can train the mind, like we do our bodies in the gym to make them stronger, why can’t we train the brain.

Well we can, hypnotherapy has been used for years for making improvements in our lives.  Mindfulness is nothing new but what’s exciting about it is the fact the medical community are taking it seriously at last.

Once I have finished the course I will combine my hypnotherapy skills with what I have learnt through mindfulness and create a free recording for us Fibromyalgia sufferers to use and attach it to my soundcloud page so we can all enjoy it together.  I will write it in such a way that everyone will benefit as your mind will tailor the words to your personal situation 👌

You can read more about the book here 

Mindfulness Yoga

I came across a yoga instructor on YouTube that practises mindfulness yoga and I find the whole idea amazing, obviously this isn’t new but what I like about this girl is that she caters for everyone, she explains how to undertake the positions to your own breath and isn’t precious about the shape you’re making or even if you get the posture correct.  I have tried many different yoga instructors in the past and never kept up the practise as I felt the moves too difficult and too rushed.

Now I used to be very fit but had to give up training about 3 years ago now, I’ve tried to pick it back up many times but exhaustion took over every time.  I love yoga, I love twisting my spine, especially where I had it fused as it feels great.

I will never stop exercising, I want to live a long and happy life and maybe just maybe this yoga instructor can help me get stronger and eventually I’ll get back in the gym.  Check her out here