It’s hard to explain to people just how draining it is to have fibromyalgia. Unless they have had the flu they cannot imagine a flare up. Unless they have had a hangover or a viral infection for months on end, they cannot imagine how we feel every day.
Mornings are the worst; the headache, unable to open my eyes, muscle aches so extreme that for a brief moment I wish I hadn’t woken up at all. The fatigue; it’s like you’ve slept for only a couple of hours at most. Then when you do get up, I can’t stand long enough to do my make-up, hair or anything else. If I couldn’t work from home every afternoon I would have to resign from work.
I’d love nothing more than to ride my motorbike to work, but I don’t have the energy to get changed twice before work, then again after work to get home.
When I finish work, some days I don’t eat as I don’t feel well enough to cook, I can’t stand long enough or cannot face doing the dishes as too tired. I can’t go out anywhere or do anything at night as I struggle to function, working has zapped all my energy.
I’m ashamed to admit it but when I’ve had a bad flare up I have not even been able to bathe for up to a week, sometimes not being able to get out of bed.
People say oh yeah they are tired too. But this isn’t about being tired……fatigue is extreme, it’s painful in the muscles even and it’s very hard on your mental health.
I never in a million years imagined feeling so ill for so long. Getting a simple cold that can knock me off my feet for a week, unable to look after myself. Never mind give any attention to family or friends.
I have sunk so low in the past I’m ashamed to say that I wanted to die, as I could never imagine living like this for the rest of my life. Not just the fibro, but having 4 collapsed discs, one removed and fused (which is how I developed fibro in the first place), now my spinal column is being crushed by 2 of my neck discs and crumbling facet joints, it’s excruciating.
Life can be cruel, but life is also beautiful. I used to take so many things for granted. Now I have learnt to get joy from the simple things in life. Friends that were toxic I let go, I have passed on some of my household duties to members of my family. I pay people to do jobs around the home I used to do myself. I’ve also bought my dream car and motorbike as I know I will most probably end up not being able to use either; as I get older.
You see, life goes so quickly and I realised I cannot spend any more time being sad and depressed. I needed to change and educate the people around me. If these people cannot accept the way I now or how I have to live, then I will let them go, no matter who they are!
I console myself by the fact I am not going to die, I don’t have cancer and there’s always people out there worse than me. Life is amazing and even with fibromyalgia and my spinal issues I can enjoy my time on this Earth.
You have to dig deep into your soul and move into acceptance, move out of the ‘why me?’. There is always a reason why we develop fibro; illness, chronic disease, car accident, spinal issues, viral infection, mental health issue, the list goes on and on. It’s not always easy to figure out the reason why, but when you do you realise it’s not your fault. Why do some people get illnesses and others don’t?
Life is too short to torture yourself, yes I still get bad days when I cry, but most of the time I feel happy. No matter how much pain I am in, no matter how fatigued I am. Life is going by so quickly, don’t spend it feeling sad, so less of the things that make you ill and more of the things that make you smile. Get rid of the people that make you feel worse and surround yourself with positive people.