Recent Posts

I don’t want to take morphine

I injured my knee by stupidly taking out my armour due to it being very hot 27 degrees on my bike training day.  I had a fantastic lesson and was feeling very confident for my test which I had booked in about 10 days time.  I was on my last practise run and came off the big motorbike bashing the inside of my left knee on the bike.  My leg swelled and I rested it, my leg went black but I thought it would heal.

I went to work in London and walked a short distance to my hotel as the weather was beautiful.  Half way back my leg was very painful and I could barely walk.  I checked into the hotel and struggled up to my room.  I sat on the bed and my leg swelled, the knee looked like it had a bone sticking out on the inside.  6 hours in A&E in London is hell,iv Morphine and gas to get an X-ray, no break but a ligament injury.  I was released at 2.30am on crutches wearing a leg brace for the next month.

Anyway the point of this story is that I’ve had to stop exercising and the use of the crutches has resulted in my fibro returning back to the levels it was at about 15 months ago!

Tramadol and Oramorph are not touching the knee pain so the doctor has put me onto Morphine tablets, they have helped but I’m still in tramadol withdrawal which is horrendous.

I am not staying on Morphine and the last few months of my increasing painkiller consumption has made me realise they are no good long term.  I don’t just have fibromyalgia and the my meds are to reduce the pain I have from a number of conditions, I only developed fibro due to the back surgery I had.  I have degenerative disc disease, spondylolisthesis, endometriosis and pelvic congestion.  The pain I get from these conditions are made worse through having fibro.  Where do I go from here back onto Fentanyl patches?  No bloody way!!

First thing I’m going to do is speak to the doctor and ask them for medical help to get off these meds.  I’m going to revert back to the strategy I started last year; mindfulness yoga, meditation and very very slowly build lung up my exercise to interval training again plus I need to overhaul my diet.  Anyone with fibro knows how painful it is restarting exercising as the muscle aches are intense, nothing like anyone can imagine, it’s like having the flu but ten times worse!

Food is a very underestimated medicine.  Eat shit and feel shit!!  Fibro makes us very sensitive to food ingredients and if you read what you eat, some of the contents and unrecognisable.

Once I feel well enough to start exercising again I’ll post up what I’m doing and let you know how I get on with coming off meds again!!

Fatigue and muscle weakness and pain getting worse

Sometimes it takes a while to realise that things are getting worse with your health.   I’ve been attending Download Festival now for 9 years and I noticed last year I was more tired and achy but this year was dreadful.  I only managed to walk into the arena once each day and I had to spend the rest of the time sat in the van.  I missed all the headliners.  The Disability camping was moved further away to a better site but it was a 50 minute round trip to the entrance on a hill.  I could not walk that far so when I went back to the camper I was done in.  Now I’ve always been able to walk around the festival but this year it was different.  I have took the decision next year not to go and I am going to start working on my fitness levels.  

I read an article about a woman that started doing intense interval training and it was by no means easy but she managed to reduce her fibro symptoms so much that she doesn’t feel that she has it anymore. I do believe this is possible and I can only imagine how ill she felt and how much blood, sweat and tears she shed.  Now obviously this is not an easy task but if one person can do it then it is possible and not impossible.  I used to do high intensity interval training even when my back was degenerating and it was only when I stopped training that my fibromyalgia symptoms started to come out.  I even trained after my fusion and it’s only when I started to hurt I slowed down training that I started to get more ill.  The less you move the worse it gets. 

Our bodies are not made to be immobile we were naturally born hunters always moving around, but as time goes on our lifestyles make us more unhealthy.  We have tv to watch, cars to move around, processed and fast food.  Drugs we can take to mask over health problems.

I am a real believer that food and exercise being the only medicines I need.  All medications have side effects and are not good for the mind or body.  I tried to come off anti depresssnts last year and use s more natural alternative and I became so ill after 3 months I went back into them.

Painkillers are not good for the body either and you get used to them so end up either on maximum dosage or on something stronger.

I have never suffered from such debilitating fatigue or muscle aches and weakness until this year and it’s getting worse.  Some days I can barely walk at all and I’m constantly having to rest after everything I do.  I have to plan all my activities to the finest detail so not to overload my nervous system.  I cannot stand loud music or bright lights and have to wear earplugs a lot, which is fine I have no problems with that.  I get sunburnt easier and my skin swells up so I bought some natural sun cream.  My scalp started to itch and I bought some special shampoo which reduced the itching.

The fatigue and muscle weakness is extreme.  I find myself doing less and less and from what I have noticed the fatigue, weakness and pain is getting worse.  It is a battle of the mind as our mind tells us to do less as we hurt, but it is the wrong decision.

The less you do the weaker the muscles get, but it is much more painful to exercise as muscle pain can be very extreme with fibromyalgia.  When I used to regularly work out I used to hurt from the gym but I liked it as I knew I was getting stronger.  But with fibro the pain is sometimes so bad after working out that it can make me cry and my whole body throbs and every attempt to move is excruciating.  In order to get stronger I have to keep pushing so the pain from working out will last weeks or even months.  You have to start slow, I have managed to do 3 ten minute workouts on the power plate this week.  Next week I am going to build up to 4.  I am also trying to walk every day and I have stopped using the lift at work and take the stairs.
Next year I am not doing the Download festival and I am hoping to get back into interval training.  I want to test out the theory of regular exercise reducing fibromyalgia.  Exercise can help reduce anxiety, depression, increase mental alertness, reduce insomnia, reduce muscle weakness and aches and pains.  Over time it can also help with fatigue.  In the short term it will get worse but what have I got to lose, I hurt anyway whether I move or not.  I have felt a dramatic worsening of physical symptoms from doing less exercise so my moving less to ease the symptoms have made it worse.  The only way to change what we have is to do something different so that it what I am going to do.  Here is some good tips of exercising with fibro here 

Trying to have a life and fibromyalgia gets in the way, sometimes

So I’m due at a 3 day festival this weekend.  I have a nice warm comfy camper to sleep in but the constant rain does cause havoc on my already fragile spine and fibromyalgia.  Last year was torrential rain and flooding for the whole weekend.  At this moment I don’t want to go I am so fatigued I hurt all over, even blinking hurts and writing this on my phone hurts.  I have 0 energy and today I spent my lunch break laid in the back of my camper in the car park at work just with my eyes closed resting.


The fatigue is crippling.  The constant rain is making my nervous system very over sensitive and I just want to curl up in bed for a couple of days.

I went to a gig at the weekend and I was having a great time watching a band I bought my husband tickets for last Christmas but I was overconfident and drank more than my upper limit of 3 beers and the 7 hour round trip has given me crippling fatigue, muscle and body aches and an awful headache.  I cannot make conversation and nothing is easing the pain.  It always takes 2 days to kick in.

I have to go to London for 2 days for work tomorrow and quite frankly I’m dreading it as I’m already feeling like I have the flu, I don’t it’s a flare up.

I need to focus my mind, think positive, it will pass.  I know I can do the festival I just need to do it on my terms.  Thankfully we have a couple of friends coming with us to keep my husband entertained so I can have plenty of rest.

No one knows how fatigue feels with fibro it’s like just starting off with flu and having the worst hangover ever and you also fell downstairs the day before so you feel bruised all over and it hurts to touch skin, I reckon that sums it up.  

It takes an hour to get in the bath that someone else to run for you then you have to rest after you’ve had a bath as your energy has gone ­čśé

So I’m going to get straight into bed and do some mindfulness and get focused.  Mind over matter.  I can get through London think of it as a mini break and the festival a holiday!! 

I can then moan some more next week and feel sorry for myself even more!

Anxiety, Depression and Fibromyalgia 

Apart from fatigue anxiety is second on my worst symptom list, certain activities make it worse and I think I’ve finally figured out why, from my personal experiences.  When I am getting ready to go out, see family, go out for a meal or whatever we obviously have emotions of maybe anticipation or excitement etc and think with over fibromyalgia our over stimulated nervous system confuses these feelings and we internally confuse these feeling into feelings of anxiety.  I get panicky, breathless, heart racing and anxious.  Once you recognise this pattern it can be controlled.  Don’t let these feelings stop you from going out and living, it may feel easier just not to go out but then we are giving in to this condition.  Recognising the symptoms, learn not to fight it, but use relaxation techniques and deep breathing helps. 

What I have also noticed is that the sensory over load from loud music and busy places can also cause anxiety.  I had to run out of a friends house the other week as the music was too loud.  

I tend to use ear plugs now that are especially made for noise reduction.  You can still hear conversations but it cuts out the bass and loudness. 


Depression is a part of fibromyalgia caused by the loss of your previous pre-fibromyalgia life, loss of friends, suffering constant pain, stiffness, anxiety, itching, skin sensitivity, food and chemical sensitivity.  I stopped taking anti depressants last year and thought I was coping well but it hit me like a train.  I asked the doctor to go back on them but at a reduced dosage of 20mg instead of 30mg.  I feel so much happier.  It’s well researched that a low dose of anti depressants increases serotonin and can reduce pain.  Why do you think doctors prescribe Amitrypyline for pain relief at night.  I don’t use this medication as the side effects were not worth the positives of taking the medicine.  Read here for more info 


All medication cause side effects as they are designed to change how we think and feel so always weight up the positives against the negatives and make your own decisions. DO NOT TAKE MEDICATIONS JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE RECOMMENDED.  Not all doctors understand Fibromyalgia they are General Practitioners not fibro experts.  I gave up several medications last year and I can categorically state my symptoms have reduced.  It’s a personal choice so make sure you do your research and always give meds a minimum of 2 months to get the full effect. 

Citalopram and Fibromyalgia study here. 

Emotions Impact Pain

I never understood the impact of emotions on pain until I studied for my hypnotherapy diploma back in 2013 and then took a pain management diploma last year.  I also didn’t realise how changeable pain is, it isn’t constant and it is controlled by our brain.

When people have a bad accident the emotional state of the patient is critical to recovery which is why medics often give high doses of medicines such as ketamine to relax the patient so that they don’t really know what is happening, reducing the chances of going into shock.

When I went for spinal surgery I was quite emotional knowing it was a 5 hour procedure with a high risk of paralysis or nerve damage, I was shaky and trying to be brave but my consultant and surgical team understood how I was feeling.  They gave me IV Ketamine as they were setting up my heart monitors and getting the operating table ready as I had to lay face down for my operation, I did not care what they were doing to me I laughed hysterically as the drug took effect then fell unconscious, meaning I was not stressed at all whilst they were putting me to sleep.

After surgery I began to notice that the more I fought (in my mind) not actually fighting anyone ­čśéwith the pain that came with developing fibromyalgia and recovering from surgery, the worse it got.

Fibromyalgia increases nervous system sensitivity as well as other other important roles it controls the messages that travel to and from our brain for pain management.  Have you noticed that when you’re sad, upset or in another ‘negative’ mood that pain feels worse, but if someone makes you laugh or you spot something that makes you smile inside the pain reduces, even if it’s a brief respite?  Have you noticed that when you wake up happy and the sun is shining that you wake up feeling less stiff and in less pain?  You might be saying to yourself ‘no’ but you do I assure you, it might not be for long but you will. 

I want you to try something for me, the next time you are feeling happy, are laughing, maybe you’re outside with your family having fun, just stop and do a mental scan of your body and compare it to when you have been in a ‘negative’ mood and I promise you your symptoms will feel much better, reduced, maybe give even forgotten about them!!

This does not mean it’s all in your head, pain is controlled through a complex system involving our nervous system which travels up to our brain through our spinal cord and how the pain is felt depends on the individual, emotions, past memories etc.  Some people can handle lots of pain.  Before my operation my twisting spine was very painful but I still went to work and the gym for 18 months and I had to have my painkillers increased to 20-25 a day until I begged the doctor to do something as none of them worked anymore and fentanyl was looking like the next option and no way was I quitting my job!! But now one little episode of pulling my back, a headache, banging my arm or whatever can quickly become so intense I can end up paralysed in pain or hysterical.

I had a very stressful weekend once dealing with some inappropriate behaviour of some I knew last year and the stress brought on a panic attack, something I’ve not had since I was 17.  I developed a migraine that was so painful I could not see, had to sit in the dark, my heart rate and blood pressure were off the chart.  No medication helped and the ambulance service rushed me to hospital for a potential brain scan.  I was horrified and embarrassed when we realised it was nothing more than a migraine.  Only the 3rd time I’ve ever had one and they had never been that painful, welcome to fibro.

Painkillers are a band aid for pain. Some are very effective but the brain gets used to them and more or stronger versions are needed, not a viable long term strategy for chronic pain.  My painful twisting spine was resolved with surgery but Fibromyalgia is in a league of its own as there is NO cure and not a pill that will keep the symptoms successfully under control long term.  

The nervous system is complex, feel free to read more about how it works here. I not only talk from being a qualified hypnotherapist and pain management therapist but someone who has Fibromyalgia.  I believe the messages/chemicals that are supposed to travel back from our brain to our nerves during pain do not work properly and no operation or pill is going to cure such a complex system.  Even if they did invent something to help at what cost would this be to our health.  All medications give side effects as they change our mind and bodies state.


I know some of you are desperate for a cure and hate having this condition and let me be honest I’d give a limb if I thought I could get rid of it but I can’t.  So I do the next best thing and accept it is part of me, fibro will never go away and me and my fibro (I’m thinking of giving it a pet name) have to coexist and get on.  Like you might have to with a naughty sibling or a demanding irritating boss at work.

Learn from your experiences; the most powerful skill you can learn is how to control pain, how to reduce the length of time a flare up lasts and how you react to both of these! 

My flare ups are rare and they don’t last longer than the same day they occur as I use my mind to help me get through it.  I can’t stop all flare ups as I want to live, I want to work, I want to go out with my family and I want to have holidays, but I can change how I feel about them.

My top tips for dealing with pain:-

  • Remember it will pass, pain changes and is not constant, it is like a volume control on a radio and you can change it in any direction you want.
  • Stay positive, if you are struggling then have a good cry and then do something to make you laugh.
  • Exercise helps and reduces pain long term whilst releasing endorphins like a natural anti depressant.
  • Stay away from fibromyalgia support pages that focus on negativity as this will NOT help you at all.  
  • Try yoga, not once but every day for just 5-10 minutes.  Have you ever met a miserable unhappy yoga teacher?  No of course not.  It’s relaxing and gives you focus and mental clarity.
  • Only temporarily increase painkillers then cut back asap.  Remember these are not the solution, they are a band aid.
  • Listen to music, meditate, undertake self hypnosis to lift your mood, clear your head, take you to your happy place ­čśŐ
  • This last one might sound crazy but I actually use my headspace app and focus my breathing through the area that hurts and it changes the pain.

One last thing do not sit and stew about the pain as this will feel increase the pain.  Talk to someone and if you haven’t got anyone you are more than welcome to talk to me ­čśü

Fatigue and fibromyalgia 

I have to be honest fatigue and anxiety are two of my most crippling symptoms at the moment.  I have had a busy weekend with a motorbike lesson Saturday morning, loading up the campervan for camping and unloading on return then I went out on my motorbike 3 miles to watch a stunt show for 2 hours.  Monday I felt great, Tuesday and Wednesday morning I have felt by far the worse I have ever felt in terms of fatigue.

I open my eyes and the stiffness and pain is extreme I feel it in every part of my body all over my skin, like I’m severely bruised, I cry lots more out of frustration I guess.  I struggle out of bed and it takes me between 90-120 minutes of waiting for my tramadoland the caffeine from my coffee to kick in.  I hate this feeling more than anything it’s horrible, getting into work is a massive struggle, today I have booked a days annual leave as I don’t even have the energy to get up.  I’ve been laid in bed for 3 hours now!!

Fatigue is a difficult one it’s all about pacing and you have to keep a diary of activities to learn how much you can do and when to rest to reduce fatigue flare ups, fatigue never kicks in straight away it takes my body 48-72 hours for it to kick in but when it does it floors me.  It’s a frustrating experience as I really had fun with my family this weekend and now I am paying the price.

Tips for controlling fatigue which I do not always follow hence why I am feeling ill today:-

  • Learn pacing; this means stretching out activities over a longer period.  I’ll give you an example I used to hoover the whole house in one go, now I have a lightweight rechargeable hoover and I do a room a night.  
  • Find easier ways to do things.  All my shopping is done online and delivered, any other essentials are fetched by my daughter and husband
  • Hire a cleaner or ask a family member or friend to help.  I am a proper clean freak so clutter and dirt stress me out so I pay my daughter a wage to clean.
  • Find ways to rest and this does not necessarily mean go to sleep, napping messes up your sleep health.  It means finding a way to relax which could be watching tv, reading a book, doing some crafts, sitting in the sun, etc etc
  • Meditate, get on the sofa and put on a YouTube and look up mindfulness meditation close your eyes, switch off your phone and follow the instructions.
  • If you are feeling down then have a good cry and get it out your system then move on, it’s my favourite way of getting all the frustration out!  Don’t let it ruin your day!
  • Stay positive, focus on what you have and what you can do not what you can’t.  I know this is hard but life is beautiful and when fatigue kicks in it’s overwhelming but we all have great things in our life even if it’s just the blue sky and sun today.
  • Keep telling yourself it will pass because it always does.  If needs be write it down ‘it will pass’ on an A4 sheet of paper and stick it on the wall to remind you.
  • Increase your painkillers to help you get through the flare up but remember to reduce back down or you could end up on a slippery slope of ever increasing pain meds.
  • Take a hot bath, not a shower and use magnesium flakes as they soak in your skin, at first you will itch and go redbut as your magnesium levels increase in your body this will stop.
  • Eat healthier than ever before, poor diet choices will increase fatigue.
  • Do not drink any alcohol as this will make you feel worse!!  The alcohol turns to sugar and is toxic to your liver it will only prolong the fatigue.
  • Get a massage it releases and removes toxins in the body and you will feel the benefit later on in the day.
  • Go and sit in the sun and top up your vitamin D levels naturally.
  • Remember your vitamins.
  • Talk to someone about how you feel, sharing your experience helps.  Why do you think I have my fibro page I need you more than you need me!!

Take a look at this site it’s got great tips and logs to help you plan living with fibro here 

Fibromyalgia in women and the menstruation cycle

I promised you all on my Facebook page to write an honest account of how fibromyalgia can interfere with our natural menstruation cycle.  So for all you men reading this it is not for you ­čśé

Before I was formally diagnosed with fibromyalgia but after I had my major back surgery I noticed some differences to how I felt physically and mentally during the run up to my menstrual cycle:-

  • Over emotional (even worse than normal)
  • Increased depression where I would cry for days so much my eyes would swell up
  • Increase in lower back ache and stomach cramps to the point I’d be doubled over, have to go to bed, use a hot water bottle and take morphine pills.  Work or any activities would be out of the question, thankfully this only last 48 hours
  • Irritable bowel for 2-3 days prior
  • Increase in headaches
  • Heavier periods
  • Insomnia for 1-2 nights where I get absolutely no sleep at all
  • High end fever ­čĄĺ 

All of these symptoms were troublesome and one month I was in excruciating pain and was sent straight to hospital with a suspected appendicitis I ended up in A&E for 6 nights. I was waiting for an internal ultrasound and cat scan, it must have cost more to keep me in the bed and fed than to just get the tests done!!

The result was a small cyst which the NHS refused to move as they said it was too small, my pleading was ignored as I explained even a tiny cyst in Fibromyalgia can cause immense pain.  I was sent home with about 4 different meds for pain relief and laxatives!! Brilliant ­čśé­čśé

Anyway I ended up going private and having endometriosis confirmed by having a laparoscopy, this was removed along with the cyst and I went on the cerelle pill for 6 months even though my husband had the snip.  It worked my monthly cycle has now reduced to how it was before I developed fibromyalgia!!

The moral of the story is that yes our menstruation symptoms cab increase through Fibromyalgia and we have to find ways of dealing with these BUT if the symptoms are so severe they impact on your quality of life then please please see your doctor and get checked out for problems in your reproductive area.  My endometriosis was stuck in my bowel and I lost 10lbs in weight and could not work, I went back to normal once I’d had my operation.

The great thing about having Fibromyalgia I believe is that it alerts you to ‘other’ problems at an early enough stage as pain is dramatically increased and you know your body better than anyone.  There is no Shane in insisting your medical professionals undertake further tests and get it dealt with quickly, you have to be pushy with doctors and tell them if there’s some underlying problem then they have a duty of care to help you no matter how small the problem.  Fibro is very painful and any other medical condition on top of this hurts like hell due to our oversensituve nervous system. 

What do I do during my menstruation cycle to help me cope?:

  • Cry as it’s a great relief, then I get on with things
  • Increase meditation in relation to happiness and for pain relief
  • I keep my bedroom cooler than normal
  • I sleep in the spare room
  • I do more exercise but shorter bursts
  • Go for more walks
  • Have a massage
  • Increase my pain meds
  • Hug a hot water bottle for the cramps
  • Remain positive knowing it will pass

Feel free to respond to this with your comments 

Useful site internet here