forminectomy – 3rd spinal surgery

Well it’s 15 hours after the surgery and I think all of the local anaesthetics that were injected into my spine have worn off………… I am using the pain pump full of morphine every 5 minutes, but it is now not working.

My consultant warned me that the pain would be bad, worse than the other 2 operations; but oh my………….The muscle pain is the worst I’ve ever ever felt. It hurts to breathe, to move, to stay still. My neck feels really stiff and I cannot move my head. I tried to use the collar they provided me to help take the strain off, but it made the pain feel worse. I asked the anaesthetist to allow me to utilise a pain pump with this being the most painful operation, he agreed, thankfully.

Once I came round in the recovery room, the pain hit me!! It was unbearable and I was crying, so I ended up having 6 doses of my pain pump in the space of half hour. I was then placed on my own personal pump. I was able to use dose of 5 every 5 minutes, should I need to. I didn’t use this at all times, but only when I needed it. The pain was kept under control, but it was still painful.

I was given my usual dose Oxycodone of 10mg at 7 or 8, I cannot remember, it might have been earlier 😂😂. The oxy and morphine blew my head off, I asked to not have the oxy so it didn’t react too badly with the pump, but they insisted. The pain relief was amazing, I hardly felt anything, but my heart rate was only 54bpm and I was hallucinating a lot, it was funny; I saw my dog, thought I was in a hospital, train, I saw and heard things, but I knew it was the meds so I enjoyed the fun, I still could not sleep as my heart rate was so low……..

The good news from my anaesthetist and consultantwas that the bones which were removed had released a whole bunch of trapped nerves, not just the left medial one.

Once the pump was removed from my neck, through my shoulder muscle and out, it felt much better. This was 3 hours ago and now the pain is unbearable again. The morphine is helping, but I cannot sit upright without pain, if I lay back on pillows it’s still bad, I cannot move my head or hold it upright, arghhhhhhh.

I had a double Forminectomy in my cervical spine; where I previously had my 2 cervical discs removed, a double fusion and a few bone spurs removed and shaved. C5/C6 and C6/C7. Read more here.

The fibromyalgia makes your pain receptors much more aggressive and over sensitive. Things that should not be painful, are painful. I’ll give you a couple of crazy examples of what happens during a fibro flare up:-

    The wind blowing the hairs on your head/arm and this hurts.
    Someone puts their hand on your shoulder/arm and it hurts.
    You blink and it hurts.
    Clothes or a bed quilt brushes against your skin and it hurts.
  • My personal nurse has been coming to see me every hour. I am now using the pain pump every 5 minutes; which is giving me a bit of relief. I’m trying to lay flat now and use a quilt to prop my head up a little. It’s hurting to hold my head up and sit up felt supported by pillows. I can’t move my head without intense pain and the collar they have given me hurts too bad.
  • Once the pump goes tomorrow what am I going to do?! 😢. This operation is taking pain to the next level…………..
  • I’m now off to do some meditation, clear my mind, focus on healing my spine and relax my muscles. Remember that pain is fluid, it changes, it’s not always there, you do get brief episodes with no or reduced pain. Focus on the positives and remember ‘things’ will always turn out for the best.
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    Practising mindfulness at work

    Would you spend a few minutes each day practising mindfulness each lunchtime at work if someone told you you’d be more productive in the afternoon?

    I’m hoping you answered yes to this?

    I have been very strict at work since I changed jobs.  I book out 30 minutes of my diary each day to eat and practise mindfulness techniques whilst listening to music. The canteen is full of chattering people and I cannot stand to sit in there as the noise makes my head spin,but when I pop on headphones 🎧 I love it.  I get totally caught up in the moment.  I savour my food taking it real slow and mindfully eating.

    I also watch other people eat, examine what they eat, look out of the window and watch nature in full effect.  I don’t day dream and I don’t spend my lunch break on my phone.  Maybe I might update my FB page but nothing more?

    Before this latest fibro attack brought me to my knees and I had to step away from my job I never really had a lunch break.  Since I started to have one I cannot believe how much more productive I feel in the afternoon.

    Try eating mindfully; savour every mouthful of your lovely healthy organic food, take your time.  It can take me 15 minutes to eat my lunch minimum.  You will walk away so chilled out!

    Emotions Impact Pain

    I never understood the impact of emotions on pain until I studied for my hypnotherapy diploma back in 2013 and then took a pain management diploma last year.  I also didn’t realise how changeable pain is, it isn’t constant and it is controlled by our brain.

    When people have a bad accident the emotional state of the patient is critical to recovery which is why medics often give high doses of medicines such as ketamine to relax the patient so that they don’t really know what is happening, reducing the chances of going into shock.

    When I went for spinal surgery I was quite emotional knowing it was a 5 hour procedure with a high risk of paralysis or nerve damage, I was shaky and trying to be brave but my consultant and surgical team understood how I was feeling.  They gave me IV Ketamine as they were setting up my heart monitors and getting the operating table ready as I had to lay face down for my operation, I did not care what they were doing to me I laughed hysterically as the drug took effect then fell unconscious, meaning I was not stressed at all whilst they were putting me to sleep.

    After surgery I began to notice that the more I fought (in my mind) not actually fighting anyone 😂with the pain that came with developing fibromyalgia and recovering from surgery, the worse it got.

    Fibromyalgia increases nervous system sensitivity as well as other other important roles it controls the messages that travel to and from our brain for pain management.  Have you noticed that when you’re sad, upset or in another ‘negative’ mood that pain feels worse, but if someone makes you laugh or you spot something that makes you smile inside the pain reduces, even if it’s a brief respite?  Have you noticed that when you wake up happy and the sun is shining that you wake up feeling less stiff and in less pain?  You might be saying to yourself ‘no’ but you do I assure you, it might not be for long but you will. 

    I want you to try something for me, the next time you are feeling happy, are laughing, maybe you’re outside with your family having fun, just stop and do a mental scan of your body and compare it to when you have been in a ‘negative’ mood and I promise you your symptoms will feel much better, reduced, maybe give even forgotten about them!!

    This does not mean it’s all in your head, pain is controlled through a complex system involving our nervous system which travels up to our brain through our spinal cord and how the pain is felt depends on the individual, emotions, past memories etc.  Some people can handle lots of pain.  Before my operation my twisting spine was very painful but I still went to work and the gym for 18 months and I had to have my painkillers increased to 20-25 a day until I begged the doctor to do something as none of them worked anymore and fentanyl was looking like the next option and no way was I quitting my job!! But now one little episode of pulling my back, a headache, banging my arm or whatever can quickly become so intense I can end up paralysed in pain or hysterical.

    I had a very stressful weekend once dealing with some inappropriate behaviour of some I knew last year and the stress brought on a panic attack, something I’ve not had since I was 17.  I developed a migraine that was so painful I could not see, had to sit in the dark, my heart rate and blood pressure were off the chart.  No medication helped and the ambulance service rushed me to hospital for a potential brain scan.  I was horrified and embarrassed when we realised it was nothing more than a migraine.  Only the 3rd time I’ve ever had one and they had never been that painful, welcome to fibro.

    Painkillers are a band aid for pain. Some are very effective but the brain gets used to them and more or stronger versions are needed, not a viable long term strategy for chronic pain.  My painful twisting spine was resolved with surgery but Fibromyalgia is in a league of its own as there is NO cure and not a pill that will keep the symptoms successfully under control long term.  

    The nervous system is complex, feel free to read more about how it works here. I not only talk from being a qualified hypnotherapist and pain management therapist but someone who has Fibromyalgia.  I believe the messages/chemicals that are supposed to travel back from our brain to our nerves during pain do not work properly and no operation or pill is going to cure such a complex system.  Even if they did invent something to help at what cost would this be to our health.  All medications give side effects as they change our mind and bodies state.


    I know some of you are desperate for a cure and hate having this condition and let me be honest I’d give a limb if I thought I could get rid of it but I can’t.  So I do the next best thing and accept it is part of me, fibro will never go away and me and my fibro (I’m thinking of giving it a pet name) have to coexist and get on.  Like you might have to with a naughty sibling or a demanding irritating boss at work.

    Learn from your experiences; the most powerful skill you can learn is how to control pain, how to reduce the length of time a flare up lasts and how you react to both of these! 

    My flare ups are rare and they don’t last longer than the same day they occur as I use my mind to help me get through it.  I can’t stop all flare ups as I want to live, I want to work, I want to go out with my family and I want to have holidays, but I can change how I feel about them.

    My top tips for dealing with pain:-

    • Remember it will pass, pain changes and is not constant, it is like a volume control on a radio and you can change it in any direction you want.
    • Stay positive, if you are struggling then have a good cry and then do something to make you laugh.
    • Exercise helps and reduces pain long term whilst releasing endorphins like a natural anti depressant.
    • Stay away from fibromyalgia support pages that focus on negativity as this will NOT help you at all.  
    • Try yoga, not once but every day for just 5-10 minutes.  Have you ever met a miserable unhappy yoga teacher?  No of course not.  It’s relaxing and gives you focus and mental clarity.
    • Only temporarily increase painkillers then cut back asap.  Remember these are not the solution, they are a band aid.
    • Listen to music, meditate, undertake self hypnosis to lift your mood, clear your head, take you to your happy place 😊
    • This last one might sound crazy but I actually use my headspace app and focus my breathing through the area that hurts and it changes the pain.

    One last thing do not sit and stew about the pain as this will feel increase the pain.  Talk to someone and if you haven’t got anyone you are more than welcome to talk to me 😁

    Fibromyalgia worsened by negative thinking

    This should come as no surprise to anyone right?  I recently decided to come off several online support groups as I personally found that commiserating with others was actually making me feel worse and very negative about my personal situation of living with this condition.  That’s my personal choice and I’m sure others have felt the same on many occasions.

    I’m a very positive individual and this condition has really pushed my resilience to the maximum.  I use a number of techniques to help me through the tough times that I’d like to share………..

    Laughing is a great free medicine and even when I’m having a flare up I have a collection of comedians that I know when I put them on to watch I’ll end up crying with laughter, this releases endorphins and increases my pain threshold.

    Mindfulness Meditation; closing my eyes and deep breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth whilst undertaking a full body scan down from my head to my feet, taking in all the feelings from my body, not judging just acknowledging them and continuing to move on.  I do this very slowly over about 5-10 minutes.

    Mindfulness walking, no phone nothing, just walking, deep breathing and taking in the air and enjoying that particular moment, taking in the sights and sounds.  Clearing my mind.

    Repeating positive affirmations in my mind, out loud and even on paper, for example; I love my body, I am feeling healthier every day, I am loved, I love life, I feel great etc oh and the most important one first thing in a morning is I am going to have a great day today.

    Undertaking mindfulness yoga it’s so relaxing and really helps my stiffness and pain.  Search on YouTube there are loads of free workouts 👍

    When I’m feeling negative and stressed all of my symptoms feel worse so it is important that I keep positive and use a wide range of techniques.  What do you do?  Read more about research here 

    I have found my spirit

    Something happened to me 2 weeks ago, I was travelling home on my motorbike and I’d been having a hard time with withdrawing off all my fibromyalgia medications, crying every day and generally feeling very disturbed, lonely and depressed. But one day whilst riding home, I felt free, different, like I’d dropped something off on the way home. I got home and after locking up my bike I just sat in the house smiling, knowing I felt different but not really understanding what had happened.


    I thought about this most of the night and I thought maybe this was due to the transition of coming off a number of regular medications, which quite frankly didn’t work or did for a short period of time and transitioning to natural supplementation.  I mean what else could it be?  Acceptance, maybe my mind had shifted by undertaking mindfulness practises every day with yoga and meditation?  Maybe it was a combination of everything?

    Well whatever it is it’s like it all clicked into place.  I’ll be honest since that day the fibromyalgia really hasn’t bothered me too much as long as I stick to the plan.  What plan is this you might ask?  It’s my plan.  Something I’m working on for me, something I will share with the world once I prove it works and something I dream about doing as a profession.  This is why I’ve been given the gift of fibromyalgia after my spinal fusion. It’s to learn optimum health, the meaning of my life and to help others, thats what I feel happened to me 2 weeks ago.


    So what are my tips for starting your plan?  Tackle the number one problem; stress. Work on your diet, you must find the right exercise for you and do it every day and find the right supplementation. Retrain your brain using mindfulness meditation, self hypnosis and other techniques. It takes blood, sweat and tears but one day the weight will come off your shoulders too.

    You’ll never cure fibromyalgia but you’ll learn to live with it like I have, even maybe learn to love it ❤️. Sound crazy?  Not at all, do you love yourself?  Learn to love the condition and help your body cope using the power of your mind.  Your body deserves that. 

    Tips for managing stress:-

    • Don’t worry about the things that are out of your control (for example developing this condition, just accept it)
    • Take things one step it day at a time (don’t worry about tomorrow or next week, use mindfulness to bring you back to the present time)
    • Prepare for stressful events by taking 5-10 minutes to focus and calm your mind. (Close your eyes and visualise your favourite place, taking in all the sights, sounds, smells and turn up everything including the colours and noises)
    • Try and look as change as positive or as a challenge, instead of assuming it is an hindrance.  (List down the positives of what the change could bring)
    • Ask yourself what you can learn from things, and how you can inspire or motivate people from your experience. (Is there a friend or someone in a focus group who is having a hard time that can benefit from what you have learnt?)
    • Share your worries or concerns with like-minded people.  You are not looking for sympathy, but empathy. (Sharing with a focus group or friends can be empowering)
    • Take a 5 minute walk if you can.  Walking and stretching can renew your energy.  (I walk every day for at least 5 minutes and do mindfulness yoga daily.  It’s relaxing and clears your mind).
    • Remember to eat (fibromyalgia makes your nervous system over sensitive so how often you eat and what you eat makes a massive difference to how you feel both mentally and physically, make it natural, organic and small meals every 3 hours).
    • Try and set realistic goals – but don’t push yourself, you have been through enough already (your goals can be simple enough to be achievable and you need to have them pinned up somewhere where you see them).
    • Journal your thoughts or begin a simple blog.  Reaching out to others who have been through similar experiences can be life changing (I do this both on WordPress and on Facebook, my sites are not to share negativity but to share my experiences with others but also to allow me and others to laugh at the ups and downs on finding my path, you need to write down the purpose of your blogging, this will keep you focused). 

    Core strength and fibromyalgia 

    I used to undertake core strength and body weighted interval training 5/6 times a week, I loved it!  I was so strong both mentally and physically.  It is still my goal to get to my core strength back to a level where I feel strong.

    Working your core strength is essential, I spoke at length about this with my physio and she said she was shocked at how many body builders couldn’t even hold a 30 second plank!  If we all had core strength we wouldn’t have so many back issues!


    I used to be able to hold about 6-7 30 second planks in one session. Core strength is essential in keeping a strong back and a healthy back is essential in keeping your whole body strong and injury free.

    In order to embark on this kind of training with fibromyalgia you have to do this slowly as the lactic acid will build up and hurt like hell.  This is why I’ve switched to mindfulness yoga for the next year.  Believe me my lower back feels like I’ve been kicked in the back at the minute, but it will ease once I get used to twisting again. 😂

    We cannot afford not to exercise, immobility is not an option for me and I feel like I am becoming something I always hated.  Whenever I do a chore now I’m sore and with this condition the soreness is extreme.  Our bodies were not created to just sit down all day and I damn well am not going to grow old hiding my body under baggy clothes.  I want to grow old feeling as strong as an ox, able to take care of myself.  Not sat down pointing at stuff as I cannot even get up to fetch it.  (My poor husband),  I want to be able to ride my bike, enjoy gigs and festivals without having to take a week of work to recover.  

    Read the article here.  My #fibrogoals are to slowly build up to a minimum of 30 minutes of mindfulness yoga every day, then I shall move into body weight exercising then back into weights.

    What are your goals?  And if you haven’t got any then why not? 

    Pacing with fibromyalgia

    I have kept diaries in the past to track pain which was hard to determine what caused it as I did not know I had fibromyalgia at that time.  Everything hurt like hell 😂😂

    I started to keep a Fibro diary about 3 months ago to see what caused pain and exhaustion to try to help me figure out what I could do and not have a Fibro attack, crash whatever you want to call it.

    As part of my mindfulness course I am trying a new one which is a much better plan:-


    This lists, activity, time taken, a rating for whatever you are tracking, mine is pain and exhaustion as separate ratings.  1 being minimal and 10 being extreme.  Then I log a physical tension rating and whether I perceive the activity as either an increase ‘+’ or decrease ‘-‘ or no change ‘0’.

    The whole purpose of this is to try to see what activities increase pain, exhaustion and tension or whatever your scale is tracking, then to try to reduce the length of time by 20%, to try to reduce the boom, bust cycle, so the overdoing it then becoming ill, making myself incapable of activities until recovered. 
    For example if sitting for 10 minutes is ok but more is painful, I just get up at 8 minutes and do something else for a period of time to reduce the chance of pain.

    This is great in principle as it can help me plan my day better but presently it hurts to sit and stand at work and the more walking I do the more exhausted I get 😂😂. Since adding the hot water bottle I can sit for longer.  So I have in fact found a compromise.

    I am going to keep the diary for a few days until my next session to see what happens and see if I can change anything to ensure I don’t fall into the boom or bust cycle. 


    There are some great tips on the 2 pictures above.  

    I have even been using my mindfulness meditation at work at lunch time as I find it helps me control my exhaustion due to mental exhaustion.  I don’t even need to close my eyes anymore as I can do it staring at something with a soft focus.

    The pain I have is lower back ache which has ramped up since I restarted my regular mindfulness yoga.  It’s just lactic acid building up in my body as I allowed myself to become immobile.  The more I exercise the stronger I will become and in the long term my pain will reduce.

    I will never ever allow myself not to be able to exercise and I will not allow myself to get overweight as this would be irresponsible and showing contempt for my health and wellbeing.